The Frigntening Thought of Online Dating and How Nightclubs Have Dropped the Ball

 I had big plans to foster new friends and relationships at a nightclub on Mass Ave in Cambridge. 

The problem was inexperienced staff with delusions of grandeur were more interested in their own egos than the true mission statement: to serve the public things beyond alcohol.

This essay inspired by a Globe article today on online dating.

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ONLINE DATING: WHAT has happened to the world when people cannot communicate in "real life," and need The Matrix to find a mate or a partner? A handsome fellow I knew had low self-image, goes online, finds a woman who didn't seem too interested in investing in herself, they marry while she pushed his friends away.

 

In my opinion, had the fellow learned the art of talking to people, he wouldn't have had to go online and get caught in a web with a clear manipulator.

The desperation of going online to date shows society failing to foster engagement, communication. Badfinger's tune "Perfection" says it all: "Successful conversation." At my age, 67, I feel like a seagull flying over the water, the art of meeting someone in a bookstore or club face to face is just one potential avenue for human connections. Of course the rock clubs for the past 50 years have blasted the music in-between bands when they should have fostered communication, even on a platonic level. They just don't get it, and God knows I've tried to set crazy club owners straight that people want to meet people - open the doors to that! But club ownership to many a club owner or manager that I've met means "SELL LIQUOR," rather than creating an environment that is inviting. I was going to sell this to the new Cantab, but - so typical - you have people OUTSIDE of the club environment and entertainment industry coming in and not knowing what the hell they are doing.

In 1995 I saw someone in a piano bar who didn't see me. About an hour later in another part of town I saw him again on a sidewalk near Fenway Park and said hello. Bought him a drink and we lived together for the next 18 years until his passing. The art of conversation...I don't talk about my personal life on Facebook much, and for good reason. We had so much in common with religion and the arts, yet we were also opposites, an interesting blend. There's a big space in my heart for that person and always will be. I call it an organic friendship. All our time together I did any online work he needed. He never went online on his own. We would never have met had we relied on "online dating." Also interesting is that he had just returned from living in Europe and decided he didn't want to drive. For 18 years it was my honor to be his chauffeur. It just worked. So there's a testament to just saying hi when you see someone that strikes a chord within you. Many, many people are not online. As Pete Ham of Badfinger wrote "Successful conversation ...will get you very far."

My longtime friend would marvel when we were at restaurants and the waiters would stick around and talk with us. I would strike up conversations about sports and we'd all be chatting. My friend loved it. I noted that if you talk about what people are interested in, conversations blossom. That doesn't happen on Match dot Find a Date. It's the gift of gab and having a real interest in what other people do. As a publicist I have to be open to people's books or music or whatever they are promoting. Find out what people are interested in and listen to them.

BOSTON GLOBE FRIGHTENING ARTICLE ON ONLINE DATING

In the age of Tinder and TikTok, whisper networks have flourished online. These informal backchannels allow women to expose bad male actors without resorting to traditional — and typically, inadequate — routes for holding them accountable, such as reporting poor behavior to the dating platforms.

Haley Schwartz, 23, a marketing student at Northeastern University, started Swipe Left Boston in late January, inspired by a friend’s bad dating experience. “I just thought to myself, ‘Why isn’t there a platform where women can share their dating stories with others in the city?” she said. BADFINGER had an "inverse" (if you will,) rendition of "No Matter What" https://youtu.be/JS2Ag7OwGRs "successful conversation will get you very far." https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/03/07/lifestyle/theyve-been-ghosted-lied-worse-now-hundreds-boston-women-are-sharing-their-online-dating-horror-stories/